I'M HALF WAY THERE! 

This past October, I turned forty-four years old. Usually, I just move right through my birthdays without much thought, but not any more. I have become acutely aware of time and how fickle it is. I know I'm not old, but I now realize I am getting older. I've lived a lot of life, witnessed and experienced a lot of pain. I have cried, laughed, loved, gained and lost a great deal for one man. I have noticed the pain in my back and wrinkles on my face haven't gone away. I am still startled by the thought that twenty-year old men and women look at me like a father. I gasp at the fact that forty-four is over half of eighty and my grandmother died in her seventy's (that was thirty-two years ago)! I realized that I don't want my children to grow up anymore; that I want them to stay just like they are. I find myself wishing time would stop.

But I also realize there's a good chance I may have another forty-four years to love and live and heal and cry and forgive and help and hope and give and strengthen and build and pray and preach and listen and care. I realize there are seven people (my wife and six children) that I'm not expendable to; seven people that will not walk away from me if I stagger. I realize that my babies are going to grow up and be my best friends, so I better cultivate that friendship now. I realize I actually have some friends that are good and faithful far often than they are bad and unfaithful. I realize that I have some people that I can call at midnight and they will answer. I realize when they act stupid and forget me, they are important enough to remind them to not forget me anymore. I realize I have been bad and unfaithful at times and they are still my friends. I realize that I have forgotten them sometimes. I realize I had better pick the phone up at midnight when they call.

I realize a smile goes a long way. I realize that I haven't been laughing enough and laughing is fun. I found that I am at my wisest when I'm just listening and shaking my head up and down and saying "uh huh".

I realize people are fallible, very important, but fallible. I realize people are going to lie to me, ignore my wife and I, talk about us, use us, think they're better than us, forget us, and a million other things that fallible people do. And to my surprise, I realize I don't mind it as much as I used to; that I've come to expect it, and I can always forgive them and act like it didn't happen when they come back around and bless us. I now realize I want them to come back around ... if they want to. And if they don't want to come back around, I can hope they are happy. I realize they are hurting, too, and that I can choose to heal, even if they do not.

I realize that the pure in heart see God; that all things are working for me and not against me. I realize that God has used every person in my life (family, friend and foe) to make me a better Christian, husband, father, friend, and preacher. I realize pride and selfishness are two of the most deadly things in the world because they build walls and shut life out.

I realize that although He wants my best, God knows I'm human and doesn't expect me to be anything but human; that He doesn't expect greatness out of me. He wants me to die, so He can be great through me. I realize that through Christ I can be truly free, liberated from this world.

I am also overcome by the thought that my days are few and that I must make the most of them. So since I'm blessed enough to have a handful of people that actually care enough about me to read this little note, I promise you, I am going to love, live, and bless more the second half of my life than I did the first.

Sincerely,
David Lamb